WOW! TWO YEARS???

Yep, it's been TWO YEARS since I've blogged.  I started this blog back in 2007 and dabbled in a couple other blogs between then and now, but it's just so much easier to post on Facebook and Instagram, isn't it? 

This takes time for me to sit down and think, to sit down and share . . . let's just say that has gotten me in trouble in the past, my "sharing" or you could say "over-sharing".  For the first time in a long time, I feel like letting down the barrier and sharing again.  At the beginning of this year, Anna was invited to a youth group by a friend of hers.  I was very surprised that she wanted to go since she has been questioning if there really is a "God" up there and to be honest, I wasn't much help because I have been struggling with my faith since I left our church over 5 years ago.  Well, the people over at Legacy Church just showed her love and fun and that faith isn't scary, making her want to go back every week.  After basketball was finished up for the season, Christopher joined her too, even though he was nervous to try something new.  After his second week, they both came to me and told me we ALL need to go to service that coming Saturday, and we did.  I instantly felt anxious.  I know what goes on behind the scenes of "church life" and I was so worried of being judged as soon as I walked in those doors.  I already knew some of the church members and was Facebook friends with many of them, including the pastor's wife!  We have lived in this small town for 15 years and obviously know a LOT of people! LOL

Chris and I listened to and enjoyed the sermon, which was HUGE since we tried a few churches over the years, even going back to his Catholic roots and just didn't feel it.  There was a church we enjoyed but as soon as the pastor emailed me to see how they could help (mom was hospitalized and a mutual church friend saw it on Facebook so she told the pastor), I ran for the hills.  I never wanted to accept help from anyone church affiliated EVER again.  You see, it's really, REALLY hard to move on from church hurt.  I've heard stories about it when I was in a leadership role in the church that Chris and I were the first family to be part of the "two family church planting team". We helped grow the church and then left the church and well, that all ended very badly.  Lots of pain all across the board.

Chris grew up a good Catholic Alter Boy, and me, well, I was baptized Catholic as an infant like all Italians do, but I never went to church.  My father remarried and was part of the whole "Born Again Christian" season in the 80s so I was forced to put on a dress, pretend we were a happy family on Sunday and then leave to go back home to an alcoholic, abusive father.  Yeah, that made me feel all the good feels that "church" was supposed to do......UGH.

After having Adrianna and baptizing her because yes, that's what we Italians do( superstition is ridiculous in my culture, Hahaha)  we never went back to that church.  Fast forward a few years when we met a couple that became our best friends, our girls became best friends and after a gazzillion questions, we decided to help plant Resonate Community Church here in Hutto with two families we adored, trusted, and loved doing "life" with.  Now fast forward 5 years or so and that's when I started feeling the pull.  I was drained, even though I LOVED serving others (and still do, it's my heart) I just felt like my family was not getting the attention it needed and we needed to step away and nurture our family and our needs. I felt the call to take the plunge and homeschool.  We were about to make LOTS of changes in our lives at that time. This is really hard when you are looked at as leaders, this was really hard for our pastor, his family, our "church family".  Human nature took over and there was a LOT of hurt spread all over the place.  I was shunned in local stores and coffee shops, I spoke words on Facebook and my blog that should have been kept to myself.  I was hurt, so many of us were hurt.

I put myself in a bubble.  TRUST NO ONE.  And what about God?  He had to have been MAJORLY dissapointed in me.  I stopped doing his work.  I never felt a connection to God until I felt it through the people I was doing life and his work with side by side.  BOY IS IT EASY for the line between the two to get blurred.  So many people didn't understand why we left and turned their backs on us because they felt they needed to pick a side, and I understand all of that now, but I also felt that God turned his back on me as well.  I was once again, a dissapointment.

This brings tears to my eyes as I type this because once I got out of my house at 18 and went to years of therapy, I was convinced that I would never feel that pain from people again. 

So obviously, there was no way I would go back to church.  I tried because I felt like I should be doing it for the kids, but I just couldn't.  Even after the first week at Legacy I thought, sure this pastor is nice and relateable, the people are doing what greeters do, smile and say good morning, everyone seemed nice enough.  I guess we could go the following weekend and we did.  The kids look forward to the Sundays that they don't have a swim meet, a game of some sort, or one of my baking classes, so we can "go to church" so we go. I sit, I worship, I take some notes, I soak in the words Pastor Danny says, I smile and nod as we leave worried that someone may have heard something from my past that probably isn't true or read something on Facebook that they may have misinterpreted, but I keep going back. 

It's funny that Chris and I started doing the "church thing" when we had little ones that we just carried along, but now those "little ones" are the ones leading us back into the "church thing" and I don't want to let them down, but I'll admit, I'm scared!  I'm scared to trust. I'm scared to connect. I'm scared that I am not enough.  Yesterday's sermon was titled "Trust".....go figure!

So here's to putting one foot in front of another and taking it one.step.at.a.time.  This goes against my nature being the person that jumps ALL IN.  It's very strange, but I'm actually okay with baby steps, at least it's moving "forward".

That's really all any of us can do, isn't it?

Brand New Year, Brand New DECADE! WHAT?!?!?!?!

I will try ONCE AGAIN to be better at blogging more!  I have gone through SO.MANY. seasons of life over the past decade and blogging always was one of my favorite things but became so much more difficult to do with Facebook making it SO much easier!  I will "try" my hand at it again this year.....we'll see!

This is going to be a GREAT year, not just because it's a chance for a fresh start, new beginnings, BUT it's also the FIRST year of a NEW decade for ME!  

HELLLLOOOOOOO 40!!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Seriously though, I am more excited than I thought I would be about turning 40!  It's in a way empowering, very freeing.  I am not the "girl" I grew up being told I was from my father.  I am not the 20 year old trying to find someone to love me.  I am not the 30 something year old looking for validation and affirmation.  I am a 40 year old, strong, fierce, loving, smart, kind and thoughtful wife, mother, daughter and friend.  If you don't believe me, look at my Facebook page, LOL!  I was given so many beautiful words, thoughts, and well wishes today.  I was reminded today just how loved, respected and cared about I really am.  It was beautiful.  The phone calls, the messages, texts, and posts were icing on the cake today, so THANK YOU to everyone for taking the time to do that. It truly meant alot to me.  Shit, this decade is going to ROCK!  I just know it!

My day couldn't have been better!  I slept in until 8, took the kids to a Dr. Seuss Exhibit at Art For The People Gallery in Austin, stopped by Homeslice Pizza for lunch and tiramisu, followed by a deluxe pedi with my bestie, and some delicious Avocado B.L.Ts at home with my family.  Chris is planning something for Saturday but I have NO clue what and that excites me! 

I woke up to this (Anna is so great at showing love and affection)...

    

  

A few more pics from our trip into Austin...

.

LOVED the Dr. Seuss exhibit!

Came home to my new washing machine delivered (I truly am excited about this one!) and a Birthday Balloon Bouquet from my dear friend that now lives too far away up in New Hampshire!!

I played with my kids, had a cup of coffee brought to me by my son and wanted so very much to bottle up every minute of this day which is why I had to blog it! God knows my memory isn't getting any better....hahahahaha!

I couldn't be luckier!

From this LOVE right here, 

I got THESE 3 beautiful gifts...

I am TOTALLY entering this decade with a FUCK IT attitude.  I don't need to prove anything to anybody.  I am who I am. I will continue on my path, make mistakes as I go, but forgive myself as I make them because I am human. So, 2016, I am ready for you! Let's do it!

Weekly Menu Plan 9/21-9/27

It's been a while, but here we go again......

I post it on Facebook almost every week but always forget the blog!  Here's this week's menu:

One Pot Wonder Chicken Lo Mein

Lemon Angel Hair Pasta with Chicken and Spinach

Grilled Salmon with Caesar Salad

Order Pizza Out

Greek Meatball Pitas

Chicken Burgers

YOYO (you're on your own night)

Marathon Training Has Begun! Week #3

Yeah, it's been a while!  This is in part to the fact that our NYC trip movie that Chris made is too large of a file to upload anywhere so I've been waiting to get that fixed to blog.  As life gets in the way, I realized if I don't just sit and blog it's just not going to happen, LOL

Today I finished my 3rd week of Marathon Training!  It was a HUMID 7 mile long run and wasn't the easiest, my body was sore and I was drenched with sweat, but now after a full belly, cup of coffee and shower, I feel FABULOUS!

Here's the thing with running, in my opinion....it's tough, it pushes you mentally and exercises your will to dig in deep and perform with your heart!  It's hard on my body, yes, but the achievement I feel after a run trumps that pain for sure.  I was not raised an "athlete".  My parents were not athletic or gym goers.  I wasn't encouraged to do sports, in fact I was discouraged because I didn't have a support system to bring me to practices, games, etc so I never entertained the idea.  This in itself motivates me to support, encourage and push my children in the sports they LOVE!

Picking up the sport of running 6 years ago was one of the best things I've done for myself, even if I hit a couple bumps in the road and haven't run in a while! LOL I've been a "gym goer" since I was 16 and have always loved being active but never did anything that was competitive, nothing to receive a "medal" or "reward".  Running changed me.  Running showed me that yes, even little old me in my thirties can consider myself an "athlete".  It gave me an outlet for my competitive, fighting spirit!

I'm thankful for my crazy friend Kim, my partner in crime, it makes the journey that much more FUN!!!  So, here's to training for Marathon #2 and #3, because as you know, I don't do anything in a "small" or "simple" way.....hahahahahahaha!!!!!  Get Ready Rock n Roll Series....we're coming for you in December (San Antonio) and February (New Orleans)!!

Happy Father's Day 2015

Happy Father's Day to WORLD'S GREATEST DAD!!!  I don't know what it is to have a man like you to grow up with as a daddy - - - you are loving, gentle, slow to anger, quick to play with the kids no matter how TIRED you are, you invest in every area of their lives from education, hobbies, clubs, sports, etc.

You lead each of them with a team player attitude, encouraging them along the way.

You are patient, and I mean PATIENT with ALL of us!

You ensure that each child KNOWS they are loved not just by your words but with every.single.thing.you do!

You give them (and me) ADVENTURE.

You bring humor into our lives when I get too rigid.

You are a smart, humble man.

You reassure them when they doubt themselves.

You teach them SO MANY things.

You give them TOO many treats.
You let them stay outside TOO late.
You allow them to talk your ear off and avoid BEDTIME.
You tell them jokes and show them videos that I DON'T WANT to know about.


You LOVE and dote on their mother.
You stand by their mother.
You LOVE your mother.
You love and help support my mother.

You set the bar VERY high for our daughter's future husbands and show our son what a REAL man is.

13 years ago when I first found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to see what a WONDERFUL, AMAZING father you would be!!  You have gone above and beyond what I ever imagined a good daddy could be!

I LOVE YOU!!!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY CHRIS!

2003 First Time Daddy

2006 Second Time Daddy!

2009, Third time's a charm!

Daddy and Anna

Disney Trip 2007

C's 2nd Bday 

My boys

First time fishing

Best place to be is in daddy's arms!

Goofball!

Her First Date!

He supports EVERYONE *ALL THE TIME*, especially Mommy!

He shows them ALL that a man MUST know his way around a kitchen!

SO.MANY.ADVENTURES!

Pillow fight!!!!

The first one EVERYBODY runs to!

They are two peas in a pod!