Today is the BIG DAY!

I can't believe in just a few hours, I will FINALLY get to meet the beautiful baby girl that has spent the past 39 weeks growing inside of me!!! I can't possibly sleep. :o) I have been going over and over the births of my other two miracles, thinking about how much my life has changed since given the opportunity to become a mommy.

A New Day, A New Life, not just for Sofia, but for us all. This morning I was laying in bed at 3am just praying and thanking God for all he has given to me, no matter how unworthy I feel I am to have all the blessings I do, he has blessed me in abundance. My heart is overflowing with joy. My thoughts have been purely wonderful looking back at my life that I've always felt was "not so great", a childhood that was more "forgettable" than "memorable", and seeing it all in a new light. Realizing and being able to pinpoint all of the different times God was there and how he rescued me and comforted me even though I didn't realize He was there. I didn't live a life of faithfullness, in fact I lived a life more in envy of other children, other families, friends, everyone who seemed to have it better than I did, better "luck" than me. Oh how wrong I was.

All the tough times, all the memories I spent my life trying to block out and was successful at doing so for much of it, really made me the woman I am, the wife I've been able to become and the mother of amazing children that God has given me to teach them His ways and to Love and Praise Him, nobody else. I've learned that I cannot "idolize" anyone or "worship" anyone but Him and through God, He will give me the strength to love and be loved like never before by the people he has placed in my life, most importantly my adoring husband and amazing children. I love them in a way I never felt loved and didn't know I was even capable of loving, but realized through His love, I am.

I have spent the early hours today praying to my God for the strength today not just for me, but for my husband and the ones we love. I've prayed for friends who lost a loved one this past week and to help still one of my closest friends' anxious heart and comfort her. I prayed for my children and for my friends that show me so much love and kindness. And then I sat up and prayed, asking the Lord to fill me with the Holy Spirit, to open my heart and mind to accept his Son as my Savior and vowed to live the life that God intended for me to have, walk in His light and live a life showing others how much richer it can be when living it for Him and not just yourself.

Tears of joy spill down my cheeks as I type this, my life is full, my cup is overflowing and I feel blessed, so blessed beyond measure and I get ready to accept one of the greatest gifts God has to offer me, New Life, both spiritually and physically.

Thank You Lord!!!

Taking the training wheels off. . . .

Well yesterday I was amazed that my little girl started riding her bike without the training wheels. Bittersweet to say the least and my heart breaks at the idea of her growing up so fast. She is the sweetest, most gentle soul I've ever known in my life, reminds me of my husband in many ways. Who knows, maybe we all start off that way as little girls, I just don't remember that innocence and free spirit without burden.

It's quite a funny little story. Yesterday, Adrianna wanted so badly to play with friends outside but nobody was home. She saw an older girl riding a motorized scooter thing, this to be exact:
...and she asked me to ask the girl if she could ride it. I of course told her no, she doesn't even know the girl and it's for older kids. I explained that she needs to learn how to ride her own bike without training wheels to learn how to balance before being able to get one of those. I left to run an errand and within the hour I was gone, I can back and daddy taught her to ride without the training wheels...she was SO PROUD! Of course, the first thing she said, after "mommy did you see me?!" was,"now can we go buy one of the electric ones". Uh Oh! One day, was all I said simply and am so grateful she accepted that answer, for now at least. :o)

Anyway, I was watching her ride today after school and felt full of questions. I brought my Bible outside since the weather was so nice I thought maybe that'll get me to sit down and read, but it didn't. Instead I sat and reflected. I thought about the last 2+ years of my faith and how it has grown. I thought about all the people that have come into my life and each gift they had to offer to me. My friend Sabrina, her and her husband have shown us what Hope looks like and how God can use people like them to show to us. My friend Amanda shows me what faith looks like and the strong need there is for women like us to grab onto it and not let go. And Erika, well she has shown me Love, genuine and true love something I'll cherish forever! And never mind all of my other friends that I've grown closer and closer to and all the love, support and guidance they've all given me. Through the women I've mentioned, more and more relationships have blossomed and I can't imagine life without them. There is nothing like having a neighbor right across the street that you KNOW is there for you anytime, anyday. Given the opportunity to live in this house has opened that door and nurtured that relationship for sure. God has surrounded me by women, strong, supportive, sweet, understanding, driven, all different types with all unique qualities and gifts.

Now that's all the great stuff, the relationships, the people....I love them all! What's tough for me is the expectations I set on myself with where my faith should be. What my relationship with God is supposed to look like.

Here's some honesty...

I don't like referring to Jesus as "Christ", it just doesn't sound personal or respectful if that makes any sense, which I'm sure if you are a "seasoned Christian" it doesn't. But I grew up hearing his name used when you are pissed off or stub your toe or something, seriously.

I have a very hard time listening to people talk about how much they love God when I don't see them love people. Isn't that what God is? Relationship, people, love? How can I take them serious? Why am I more afraid of them than anyone else?

I haven't even been baptized yet (well not since I was 1mth old in a Catholic Church) so what does that mean for me? Do I do it because I want to be taken seriously? I believe that Jesus died for our sins and wonder what does being dunk under water in front of a bunch of people mean? Probably a dumb question I know.

I feel awkard around Christians when they refer to "when they were saved" and so on. It's almost like I want to ask, so when you were baptized and accepted Jesus, your whole life changed? Are you really transformed? Do we ever get so see what being transformed looks like or is it a process that takes our entire lives? I usually feel like I don't belong in those conversations and am probably the reject in the group for sure!

I can't even completely be myself around many of the people I know without the fear that me stubbing a toe (just happened a few minutes ago, hence the toe reference again) and saying F*^#! wouldn't SHOCK THE HELL out of them or make them uncomfortable around me, judge me, etc.. etc...

I've experienced culture shock since I've been in Texas. People are sugary sweet, yes. People are polite, yes. But truly I'd rather be around an up front, tell it like it is, light a cigarette and not even care kind of person, because at least I know they are real. I'm not afraid of those types of people. I kind of got off on a tangent a bit here so let me get back on track....

I want a closer relationship with God. I want to rely COMPLETELY on him. I do know that the fear and anxiety would be lifted if I did rely on Him more. I just don't know how to do that. I am definitely that type of person that when I get excited about something, just like I did with Christianity, I will jump right on board, here I am a sponge ready to absorb it all. I get caught up with the excitement of it all. YES I'll be involved in community stuff. YES I'll do whatever it takes to meet people and grow our church so we can do even bigger and better things. YES I'll read my Bible, host a Bible Study, make meals, have meals with people, do anything that is pretty much directly asked of me. But then there is the down time, the moments when I'm alone when I ask myself, "Where are you in your faith?" And that is such an important question for me to ponder and work through.

I have had my own set of Training Wheels on now for over 2 years and I think it's about time I take mine off too. As I watch Adrianna's fearless and determined look on her face while she's riding without them and then the glow of Glory while she pushes back on her breaks to get off the bike, I yearn for that. I feel like a child in my faith and am amazed at how much I learn from my own sweet little ones!

I don't know how else to end this post accept just by asking for prayers. I want to move on, I want to grow but want to do it "genuinely". I don't ever want to be a phony Christian. I don't ever want people to think I am something I'm not. I want it but also want to be true to myself...

I wonder what that looks like...

I was sent this from a friend today who was thinking of me and I wanted to share it.

She Won! :o)

"I won, I won, Oh yeahhhhhh". That is a phrase from Hannah Montana that Adrianna does this cute little move and says it in the CUTEST way ever, but to top it NOW Christopher walks up to us and "performs" the phrase too...must get on video soon for sure. :o)

Well, today my little beauty won in our Meetup Mom's Group costume contest! Looks like that hard work making that costume paid off! She was so cute up there on the little stage I just about died! Wish I brought my camera but was in such a rush! Beni and I were out shopping until 2:00, rushed home to bake cookies for the party, then ran to school to pick up Adrianna while the cookies cooled, returned home for her to change into her costume, packed up the cookies and off we went while Christopher napped with Aunt Beni. We stayed and had a blast until 5, hurried home to get dinner made and the house ready for Bible Study at 7. It actually worked out pretty well tonight. We had the study here from 7-8 while the kids were across the street at Cindy's and then we went over there for dessert. I let Adrianna have a little bit of dessert and than came right home, did our nightly routine together and she was asleep by 8:30ish, only 30 minutes later than usual so I think she'll be fine in the morning. It's only one day a week and is totally worth the sacrifice to have that time with our friends. We had a great study tonight and I really enjoy the insight into Moses, all new stuff for me - - - loving it!

I'm also following along with another blog on my own studying Proverbs 31:10-13 this week(this is a first for me, never did it before). I was told by a friend a while back that she thought I was a "Proverbs 31 Woman" so when I saw this on a blog this week I felt pulled to follow along. I've been involved in small groups over the past 2 years but this is the first time I felt that I wanted to do something all on my own. God is doing some amazing things in my life right now and the growth I've been experiencing is so refreshing.

Adrianna and I have been reading the book "Parts" by Ted Arnold, great book that shows the perspective of a 5 year old and since she has her first loose tooth I thought it would be great to work on this book this week with her. There is a part in there where he talks about his skin peeling off of his toes and Adrianna thought that was so grose and asked why hers does that too. So I went on to explain how the old skin peels away so the new skin can shine through and as she repeated that to me tonight I thought about my faith, about my entire "being". About peeling away the layers to reveal the woman that He intended on me being when He created me.

Today's Verse:

Proverbs 31:10
"A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies."

Being God's "Subjects"

I am so fortunate to have such an awesome Pastor and be part of a "Life Changing" movement, a.k.a. "church". Yesterday's sermon was amazing and I hesitate in writing about it because I just don't think I can do it justice, but I'll try. :o)

The sermon was based on Psalm 96, and what I took home with me was "We are God's subjects, created and given the authority to live under the Kingdom of God and make a difference while we are here on earth the short time that we are."

Now, our service is sort of interactive, different than ANY Catholic mass I have attended in my lifetime and surely from any other Christian church I've visited in the past, also different from other denominations too from what I hear from others. On of the questions Kyle threw out there yesterday was "Why hasn't God fixed this?" And by this he was referring to many examples that people were giving, both locally and worldly...hunger, genocide, disease, etc. And through the back and forth between us and Kyle, the answer was quite simple and just "struck" me. If God is King, then think of ourselves as his Subjects, sent out to do His good work here on earth and make the change! Now, I'm not saying I'm going to get out there and all the sudden all of these huge issues are going to go away, but every single one of us can make a difference in one way or another.

It can be as simple as helping someone in need, dropping off a coffee to brighten someones day, inviting friends over to share a meal together, serving at your local shelter, reading to elderly in a nursing home, you get the point I think. I get extremely frustrated by people who think that service ends with just your family, it doesn't. In fact, your children and spouse are gifts to you from God. I think our mission in life is to bring them along the way reaching outside of your family, outside our your four walls, and outside of yourself. And I don't know about many of you, but when I do something for someone else, I experience such an "uplift", such joy . . . which I KNOW is from God. I think of it sort of as a hug on my heart, that's how I try to explain it to Adrianna. Those feelings that you get, "joy" can only be from God. Not all happy feelings equal joy.

We talked yesterday about joy, spontaneous joy and what that looks like. Kyle gave a great example of his sister in law watching her 1yr old little boy getting SO excited watching Shamu at Sea World , that she just started to cry. Seeing her baby boy so happy and excited, prompted tears of joy. I think we have all experienced those feelings at one point in our lives. And by seeking to be connected and "heart" intentional, we have more and more opportunity for those amazing moments.

So, is being a Christian mean that you get all dressed up on Sundays, sing songs or what most call "worshipping", hang out with your other Christian friends and then that's it? Get up on your political podiums, talk about how horrible this world is, condemn all non-followers to hell, focus on family and only family, "preach" that serving is NOT enough, you are NOT as close to God as someone who reads their Bible every single day, and stuff like that?

I FIRMLY say that is NOT what it means to be a follower of Christ.

And what about worship? Does worship mean, singing and only that? Here are some notes that I found while researching what worship mean...

"We have forgotten this simple understanding of what worship is all about. But our English language still remembers. The English word worship comes from old Anglo-Saxon word worth-ship. Worship is worthship, giving worth to God."

"Worship is not about us. It’s about God. It is an act of service that you and I do to God. It is something that we do unto God as worth-givers."

Now, I'm NOT saying you can't worship God through song, because of course you can. But in my heart, I feel that showing God's worth, is showing his love and I just don't think a song is good enough. I don't think the title "Worship Leader" should be only given to a person who gets up on a stage and sings. ANYONE can be a worship leader, get out there and serve someone, show them God's love by loving them, THAT is giving worth to God, that is "Worth-shipping" or "Worshipping" Him. By doing that, you are just as much a "Worship Leader" as that guy or gal up on stage is. :o)

I hope this post didn't come off as strong or harsh as sometimes I do, what I'm feeling as I write this is "passion". I have the passion to serve, I have the motivation to get out and show what it means to truly be a Christian, even if it looks different then the way others around here are doing it, I have the desire to be as close to God as I can be. I am proud to be one of His subjects and will do all I can to do my very best with the time I have here.

"God is King" . . . that is Adrianna's phrase for this week! :o)

Some other verses that were referenced on Sunday were:

Phillipians 3:17-21
Romans 8:19-23
Revelations 21:1-5

Have a terrific Week!

Acts 14:17
“Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy."


When things seem so out of control and so unsure, it's a very comforting realization of the passage above. I struggle with wanting complete control over EVERYTHING. I'm not the most patient person. I grew up with having to make things happen if I wanted them. I had to overachieve to make myself feel worthy. I didn't have a whole lot of trust in many people, let alone "God".

Fear can be paralyzing, and in fact did that to me earlier this week, but as I sat back and reflected on the "facts" and not the "what ifs", or my interpretation of events, but the realization and again, facts, I was able to see what God has been preparing us for, seeing all the doors He has opened for us and was truly able to live in that moment of realizing HE is in control. He provides for us, he gives us opportunities, and like any "father", He hopes we take them and make the most of them....focus on today, be kind, show love, don't get consumed by your own thoughts, give to others. If you do that, those haunting feelings of negativity that like to come to surface, just won't. They are fought off by the overpowering love and amazing grace given to us by God.

We are dealing with a ton of change right now, but I just know that it's all going to work out. We are surrounded by family and a wonderful group of friends who "give life" to us. We have a beautiful family that we live each day for. This is what God has provided for us, this is the place he wants me to be right now. And I couldn't be more thankful.

Fruit of PEACE

Philippians 4:8-9
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

• How does this verse tell us to pursue the God of peace?
• How do you think your thought life can lend to your peace?

I had to pass this one along today, I SO needed to read this! :o) Thanks again JustusSeven!

Trusting Him

Well, now that boxes are being packed, leases are being printed up, school is being switched over, cars are getting fixed at high costs (what else is new?!), dentists, doctors, car payments and on and on and on.....I have no choice but to take it one moment at a time and fully trust and give it to God. I know He will provide, He always has.

Trust

Trust

Trust

Faith

Faith

Faith

That's what I keep saying when my chest tightens, head gets warm and I begin to feel overwhelmed.

One thing at a time, it will all work out!

just had to vent.... :o)

Fruit of LOVE

1 John 4:18 AMP
"There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]."

• What do you think it means to have “no fear in love”?
• What are some ways in our everyday life that we can strive to “reach the full maturity of love”?

Got this over here, I love this blog! Helps you "think"!