Thursday, April 9, 2009

Feeling "stretched". . .

I'm feeling SO sleepy today and to be honest, not quite well. I fell asleep on the couch while Chris was putting Christopher to sleep which seems to happen to me all the time lately! I just get SO tired by the end of the day. I'm naturally QUITE energetic to say the least and realize that a tired state of being is SO not a good place to be. But do I have a choice? I'm 26 weeks pregnant and don't know what to do to NOT feel tired at the end of the day. :o)

When we went up to bed last night, Chris and I had one of our LONNNNNGGGG talks which was refreshing since we've had a week where we haven't had much one on one time chatting which I SO NEED! He has had some stuff on his mind and it's CRAZY just how much I KNOW this man. The things he's been thinking through are things that have been burdening my heart as well so I feel much better knowing that I"m not just a "crazy pregnant-hormonal woman", things are just a little off right now. Not in our marriage, thank God for that, but just relationally in general. I was praying about it this morning asking God what in the world is he doing in our lives right now!

We talked a TON about Facebook last night. Is it good? Is it bad? Are people genuine and real? They post things that would never come out of their mouths in person. Conversations are had between people that should probably be more one on one, not for 100 friends to see. Friends are added to friend lists, not because they want to be friends but really just to be nosy or don't want to look bad turning down an invite. For some of us, it's like having a blog, a cyber diary for everyone to read. But is it really "right" to be reading the stuff if you don't have a relationship or a heart for the person who is sharing? I'm not singling out anyone I know and am including myself while I put these questions out there. Just something to think about when you evaluate your friend list. If you aren't "really friends", delete them out of respect for them.

One of the things that I've been thinking through lately is family and church. The idea/way of "church" that was shown to us a couple years ago was/is VERY appealing to us. Not the typical go to mass on Sunday, in and out, nothing else until the next Sunday or for us until the next baptism/holiday. Our way of doing "church" is just doing what is natural for us. Hanging out with friends, giving our time to our community and those around us, it's not hard to do. What is hard is when others around you, whether they are family or close friends you had before church or friends we met as we got more involved in church, isn't traveling that same road as us. There are only so many hours in a day, so much time to give, that something has to give in some areas resulting in some relationships being stretched a little. This "stretching" isn't a bad thing, just not a "comfortable" thing.

I have felt very guilty for not being able to be everything to everyone, watching some relationships grow a little distant and reading Luke 14:26 has helped me.

26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

Now that verse is a little, hmmm I don't know, "harsh" maybe, not sure if that's the best word. But I totally don't interpret it "literally" but think I understand what it means. I know that ALL different relationships go through seasons and just needs to be accepted, that's just not very easy to do sometimes. :o( The saying "keep your eye on the prize" sort of motivates me to keep pushing along and as long as my heart is in the right place, my head just might not be able to grasp what happens as a result of that but that has to be okay.


Dee said...

i love your heart and thought process.

people think i'm weird b/c on facebook, if i don't "know" you, really know you and love you, you aren't on my list! i figure if you didn't like me in h/s or care enough to talk to me before FB, then you don't really love me anyhow. my friends' list is small and intimate. and i am FINE with that. yes, i do post status updates on there and twitter, that are about my daily happenings, but nothing i'm ashamed of. i felt convicted of those actions LONG before i ever gave in and started facebooking. that said, i do get tempted sometimes to accept a friend request and/or request someone, b/c i just wonder what they have done with their life or something. i try...try .....try to NOT get sucked in.

i also struggled with that same thing when i started blogging then took a year or so off b/c i wanted to make sure my heart wasn't in it for a wrong reason. i am back now and feel fine with where i am. again, i only read those who i feel genuine about. i hate seeing blogs/fb as a place where people tear other people down. that's where i start to dislike it all.

stretching and learning to trust Him are a constant part of life, i think. we have been criticized by friends and family for not always being in "church" as in the building. those same people criticizing have also gossiped to us about all the "heathens" and problems within their church. hmmm...what's wrong with that.

so for periods of time, our children have been taught daily by us and our worship has been someone we respect on tv and our music that we blast. i think it's hard when you are judged but they don't see your heart or what you do in the community or elsewhere.

yes, these seasons are difficult and we can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as long as we examine our hearts and know that we aren't in it for ourselves, i think we're doing our best. and at the end of the day, I know my Father has so much in store for i take the seasons of difficulties and try to look forward to the better days!

didn't mean to hijack your comments, but this post jumped out at me! i love it!!!!!!

Gina said...

THANKS Dee! I love your comments and am thankful for your open heart. :o) Your encouraging words are comforting to me.