One of the greatest things about music is that it sparks up so much emotion in me! I was listening to Pandora today while getting dinner ready and this song came on and just broke me into tears. It was just the song I needed to hear today to go along with the verbal affirmation I got today from one of my very best friends.
If you know me, you KNOW I'm pretty passionate about just about everything...If I love, I LOVE...if I hate, I HATE...it's all or nothing with me, I change my emotions like the wind and don't look back too much. I'm EXTREMELY forgiving, sometimes to a fault. And although I love with every piece of me, I've never truly believed that anyone really "loved" me. This of course started back in my adolescence and I carried those feelings with me into young adulthood. Had a couple of relationships that were so very wrong for me on so many levels. I loved them, or at least thought it was love, but they didn't love me back, not in the way that real, true love is supposed to be. I've done just about anything and everything you can imagine to seek approval and/or love from people. I've made lots OF MISTAKES along the way, for sure! Then just went I was pretty close to what rock bottom looked like...alcohol, drugs, partying like nobody's business, completely wild, there he was....MY SOULMATE!
Listening to this song, I feel so connected to Chris...even though he isn't a Maroon 5 fan like I am, the words make me feel connected to him. They describe his love for me. Chris is the first man in my LIFE to make me undoubtably know he loves me. There has never been a moment in over 11 years now that I questioned his love for me and that is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.
Now fast forward to about 4 years ago and I met another Chris, but in the female form! :o) My sweet Erika! Although very different from me, we just connected. I met her during a lonely time in my life. I was living here in Texas, starting a family, becoming a stay at home mom no longer working, and I just felt all out of sorts. I wasn't really happy here, no matter how hard I tried to be. And while I love my family that I have here, we were all doing the same thing sorting through our own stuff and trying to figure it all out too! That's what happens when all of us got married in the same year! :o) I NEEDED a friend, and I didn't just get a "friend", I got another sister.
This girl knows what makes me tick. She knows what I do and why I do it. She knows when I'm speaking in truth and when to let my words slide because they are coming from emotion and not logic. She knows when I need a push and when I need a hug. She's LOVES me. She accepts me, doesn't want to change me and wants nothing but to see me grow. She is the best encourager I know. She is here living life with me everyday and even when I was a total bitch, she has NEVER turned her back on me. I'll say it again, she LOVES me. It is rare to find those friends that truly love you and will go above and beyond to help you be a better you. I only had one other friend before meeting Erika that loved me like that, and that was my friend Danielle who crazy enough is JUST LIKE ERIKA! :o) It's really crazy!
I'm always growing.
I'm always changing.
I'm always trying to be the best I can be.
I can be moody.
I can be alot to handle.
But I'm loyal.
I will serve and serve and serve.
All I ever wanted was to be loved.
Thank you God for delivering Chris to me and through him I am surrounded with the family I've always wanted, and thank you for Erika, through her I've learned just how special I really am, and am surrounded by so many wonderful ladies now.
My heart is just bursting with love!!