Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Super Hero? Me? What?

"Running reminds me that there is more to me than what is readily apparent much of the time. I don't always need to see it, but oh how I need to know it's there. Like having an alter ego,
or a super-cool super-hero identity."

~Kristin Armstrong, Author and runner

I opened my Gmail this morning to this quote from Runner's World and it just HIT ME! This is the reason I run! Deep down, I've never felt like I was worth much of anything. Not growing up. Not during my teens. Not during my young adulthood. And even as a 35 year old mother of 3, living a WONDERFUL life with healthy children and a loving, supportive husband, I still have my moments of self doubt, self worth. It's my weakness, my thorn.

As I am sitting here thinking about weakness, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible about Paul and his thorn but really couldn't remember it. Thankfully Google saved me, as always! LOL I found this and all sorts of things are just clicking in my head right now so this post will probably be ALL OVER THE PLACE! After all, I am a verbal processor. :o)

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So now back to the original quote that got me thinking this morning.... running is hard. Training is harder. Having the confidence that I will complete a race and do it well is the HARDEST. Getting out there and completing a run, even if it is only a 3 miler is challenging for me. Scheduling it in, making it part of my lifestyle, the actual "running", achy knees and all, is hard. It's MUCH easier to do nothing at all. It's MUCH easier to talk about the things you want to do, results you want to see, things you *wish* you were doing. Taking action on the other hand really is THE CHALLENGE.

I've never felt like I was "good enough", "strong enough", but running (well post run, LOL) makes me feel those things. It's hard. Not many people can do it. Not many people want to do it. Only 1% of people run marathons and there is a reason for that! I sure as hell never thought I would RUN A 5K, never mind a MARATHON! But I am!!! I really really am!!!! And why? Well, I want to SHUT THOSE voices up in my head that have told me my entire life that I couldn't really do that. I'm not like that other person doing it. Sure, they can , but me? I can't. I will have such a deep satisfaction proving those voices wrong on Sunday. Each time I get out there and succeed, it makes those voices just a little bit fainter.

I can certainly give into my weakness, and stay in a place "believing" that this thorn, my heartache, my past, my insecurities, will keep me from being "special", unique, one of a kind, strong, worthy. Or I can challenge myself. Get out there and PROVE not to everyone else, but to MYSELF that I CAN do it. I AM strong. I AM more than I believe I am.

Call it an alter ego.
Call it my super hero identity.

Whatever it is, it comes out in my running and especially during a race and I LOVE THE WAY IT MAKES ME FEEL!!! :o)

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