Saturday, October 20, 2012

Another "Bump" in the Road....

Life isn't perfect, in fact, life IS HARD.  Perspective is EVERYTHING, Faith is a MUST, and finding joy and peace in the midst of a storm is CRUCIAL.  We have been in the midst of a STORM the past couple of months with friendships coming to an end, leaving our only ever church "home", potential job change coming up and it came to a peak yesterday with Chris's surgery.

Just coming up for air right now and want to blog so I can look back at how we came out of yet, this too, stronger as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.  It's hard to see a light at the end when you are dredging through a dark tunnel.  I am far from a pessimist or a cynic, in fact I usually look not just on the bright side, but at all the endless hope and possiblilities out there ahead for us, but right now, it's hard. Hard.

Chris has struggled with sinus infections since the summer and has been MISERABLE.  Ever since we moved to Texas he has struggled with allergies and his asthma. It's been something we just "got used to" being part of our lives.  No big deal, right? Right.   Well, last week after having such bad headaches and not being able to breathe through his nose STILL, after rounds of antibiotics, he decided enough was enough, went back to dr. and got a CT scan.  The scan revealed polyps in his sinuses and could easily be removed through surgery.  Okay. No big deal. Right?

He was referred to a specialist that looked over his scan and went up his nose with a camera to check things out.  Yep, polyps. Endoscopic Surgery scheduled.  Okay. No big deal. Thousands of people get these "surgerical procedures" done. Right?

This is nothing compared to what other people deal with as far as health issues go so my thought was, stay positive and optimistic for Chris, that's what YOU DO Gina so, no worries.  In and out, simple.

So we get to the hospital at 7:00 and he gets the surgery started at 8:15. I sit out and wait catching up on Facebook, reading my Kindle, pinning and pinning on Pinterest, all is well.

10:00 rolls around and I start to get anxious as my battery starts dying on the Kindle and my bars are disappearing on the phone, I realize, WHOA, they should be finished in there by now and then the phone rings at the volunteer's desk.  It's the surgical nurse telling me there was more in there than they thought and it will be a little longer.  Ohhhh...kay. I go down to get a coffee and start pacing, WAITING.  My mind is wandering and I start to worry.  "Did the dr. hit that "floating" artery?" " Did something happen with his asthma and breathing with the anesthesia?"  "WHY is this taking SO LONG?"

I start to panic.

I watch all 6 of the other people *waiting* with me get called by the volunteer and taken back to post op to see their family member and I still sit. And wait.  Then, out comes the doctor asking me to go into a private room for "counsel".......I FREAK....tears are rolling as soon as I stand up, dizzy as hell, following him in completely numb.

"Is he alive?"  was all I could say before he even shut the door.  He eased my mind immediately saying he did just fine.  But there were some concerns that he didn't foresee on the scan that we need to discuss.  I stare at him blankly, tears just rolling down my face as I try to focus on questions, facts, etc.  It was HARD.  He told me that the bone between his frontal sinus and brain had eroded away, it was gone and his Dura Mater was exposed in there.  THE DURA MATER??!!!!!   Uhmmmmm that's part of the brain, what??!!!???!!!  Scary to hear and confusing as all hell.  So I listen to him explain how badly the fungus in his frontal sinus was and that he believes he was able to remove it all, which is why it took so long. But, he is concerned with the dura "hanging down" and infection, tears, etc....

My head spins. What?  How is this dura going to be protected or supported if the bone is permanently gone?  He proceeded to explain about the scar tissue and hopefully it grows in the way to support the dura and protect it.


Chris's AFS, is something that will most likely reoccur and is something else we will have to live with, and yes, I KNOW there are much more serious diseases out there, but I am STILL SCARED.  We go back to the doctor on Thursday and for now I just need to keep him in bed RESTING.

I know we will get through this and am thankful for the people in my life here now to support and love on our family as we move forward.  My eyes were open to ALOT yesterday as I sat "alone" in the hospital. All of the drama, and NONSENSE I've been working through will get NONE of my mental energy from here on out.  I am done. My focus will be inward, taking care of my family FIRST.

I thank all of my family and friends for your genuine prayers and concerns.  They are so very appreciated by Chris and I both.

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