Anyway, it got me thinking about motherhood......yes I played "mommy" with my babies just like any other kid. But being a "Mommy" wasn't exactly what I wanted to "Be" when I grew up. I knew pretty early on I wanted to be a leader. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to take care of sick people, which led to some of my early writing assignments "What do you want to be when you grow up?". There were various things but they were all pretty similiar except for the "astronaut thing" that lasted a minute. I wanted to be a doctor, find a cure for AIDS, join the Peace Corps......tried to join the army, took ASVAB and everything but medical issues kept me from being able to go and not having the support of my dad and stepmom at the time really put a kink on plans and those years of my life destroyed my self esteem as a teen.
I took that cabbage patch kid that I played "mommy" to and cut her open, yes, and mom about killed me! Stay with me here, I'm not crazy. I cut her open to put play dough organs inside her, LOL! She always had homemade bandages and bandaids on her. This is when I was 6 or 7...I wanted to be a surgeon, take care of people.
Little did I know that my entire life, I DID want to be a mom. When I met my hubby, I was 22, struggling to put myself in nursing school and work full time. I gave up on the dreams of being a doctor and figured if I was a nurse first I could work on furthering my education later. Deep down what I wanted MOST was a family. I wanted to LOVE and be LOVED so deeply, so completely. I found that when I met Chris and soon realized that it wasn't the "career" I necessarily wanted, it was a family.
Fast forward 15 years and 3 babies, looking at that cabbage patch kid in the thrift shop made me realize I was LIVING MY DREAM. I am the CEO of my home. I support my husband while he works so hard to provide for us all, including my mom that lives with us. I take care of the finances (working on doing a better job at that!), I keep the household clean and running as smooth as possible considering, I educate my children completely now, I ensure their safety, well being, and give them the best memories and childhood experience I possibly can.
THIS IS WHAT I DO.
THIS IS WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
I don't have as much time in this season for all the "other stuff" that I so love as well and have come to terms of accepting that I can't do it ALL. I can say for the first time, while I've said it in the past I didn't "really" believe it, but now I can say....I'm OKAY WITH THAT!
I've had to walk away from some stuff and some people, but I know that it's what had to be done for my family, for ME.
I am the leader I wanted to be when I was a little girl. I lead my family, with the most supportive, loving and giving husband a woman could have. He leads in the areas he needs to and I pick up where I need to. Like my friend Kim says, he IS the Ying to my Yang. He is my soul mate. I can't imagine what life would look like had I not met him.
I don't remember much of my childhood AT ALL, but am able to re-experience childhood every moment, every day with my three and THANK GOD for the opportunity to be their mommy, their teacher, their confidant, their biggest fan!
Who would have thought a beat up doll in the thrift shop would be THAT MOMENT for me? :o)
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