Sunday, April 20, 2008

Feeling Disappointed...

This past month has been a month full of anticipation and excitment. The weeks have been long and a little tough at times. We have had a TON to do in relation to church stuff, community events, birthday parties, spring cleaning, and all the other things that are the responsibility of a woman and her home. I've pushed through each week, made a really great new friend that I've been walking with for the past three weeks now (we are starting to jog this week!! YAY!) and she's a really great woman, I can tell we are going to be great friends, well all that said it's been easy to get through those weeks knowing what it was working up to...this weekend and next weekend. Well, guess what?!?!?! I have an abscess, so the dentist told me last Wednesday and need a root canal and crown ($1875 without insurance!!) and I had not had a good nights rest half of last week because of it. He gave me pain meds until my penicillin kicked in but today I am STILL in agony so I'm thinking my nerve is probably exposed and it's not the abscess. I can't do anything until insurance kicks in May 1st so I am FRUSTRATED!!!! This tooth caused me to miss an AWESOME consignment sale in Round Rock that I was supposed to go to with my girlfriends to get church stuff for the kids next weekend, AND I MISSED RELAY FOR LIFE!!!! I HATE missing events, especially one that I was SO EXCITED about. I feel like I let everyone down, EVERYONE was there sending their thoughts, prayers and good wishes my way and I was SO SAD, cried for half of the night! And Christopher had 103 fever all Saturday and yesterday so not only did I miss TBALL on Tuesday and Thursday but Saturday tooo!! AND I missed my niece's birthday party to just add to it!

WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT!!! What an attack, really. That's how I'm looking at it. We have been working so hard towards such an important goal. I have an amazing husband who just worked a 12 day, 150+work week who played Mr.Mom each of the two nights after work running to games in Georgetown and Round Rock, rushing to Saturday's game all the way our by Lakeline Mom and Being the Snack Mom (Dad) AND running home to change Adrianna to rush right back out to the park for Bella's Bday Party, AND rushing home to run back out an hour later to setup for Relay for Life in my place.....oh and of course he stayed from 7pm to 7am...he's usually the last man standing, never gives up or backs out when he commits to something (I love that about him even though it can be frustrating at times,LOL).

So, how does Gina, the control freak, feel about totally LOSING control all week and now having 2 sick kids on top of it....MISERABLE!!!! Totally Miserable!!! Our first service is next Sunday and I NEED to be 100% for that, I'm going to be one of the first faces people see as they come in... I NEED TO FEEL WELL!!! I'm praying for some physical healing, for me and my family. The other families on our team are all dealing with sick kids too....wow Satan sure knows the areas to attack you in, I'm really starting to see it and HATE it!

Things have been going so well, I will not sit back and give up...no way. When all my friends around me that I didn't have a year ago, heard I was suffering this tooth agony ( I swear I'm not being dramatic, I'm SUFFERING BAD!), I had one person offering me some natural remedies, another one help with the kids, another offering dinner, pain medicine, people calling ME to check in on me, it feels so wonderful to truly feel loved. This is why I have given my life to this, this is why I chose to be a Christian. I don't always feel comfortable using the language but that is what I am. I am living my life the way Jesus would want me to, and when I am out of line in my thoughts or my actions, I instantly am aware and try to adjust myself accordingly. I've never been like that before. What I feel, is what I say and there is no apologizing for it, even if I"m wrong, because I have to feel right, don't I??? No, not anymore.

I've always had my issues with Christians just from my past experiences with them. Then I came across a couple who showed me what it truly means to be a Christian and through their actions and watching them live out their lives, I knew it was genuine. Then as our group grew I was able to see different levels of where people are at in their walk, where they come from and have been able to understand and even influence them in some ways which has been wonderful. Even when I was tested again not long ago by a friend who has been a Christian forever and I was deeply hurt by her, I have found peace through prayer and can finally forgive and pray for her and her family. God brought another Christian woman into my life through our Preview Party and she lives right down the road from me!!!!! She is my exercise partner, my neighbor, and my friend. We have a small group of moms in my subdivision who will be all journeying to kindergarten together with our children and I feel so lucky to have them right by my side.

All of these women, you know who you are, all of these men that my husband now can call "friends", and all of these amazing children that I have in my life is BECAUSE of the choices I made over a year ago...it changed my life. I have an incredible support system, and not ALL of them label themselves "Christians" but just AMAZING and giving women and families that I absolutely adore and am so grateful for....this is why you need to reach out and give..... think outside of yourself and it will all come right back at you in time.

It takes time to build these types of friendships. You must plant the seed first, take action, then nurture and feed it....the end result is something beautiful, something that makes me proud to be me. I can look at the seeds I've planted this past year and a half and almost all of them took, some grew faster than others, some sadly died off, but my personal garden of friendships is in full bloom and as I sit here thinking about them all my heart is full of joy.

2 comments:

Erika Sears said...

Wow- this post is truly touching. Your passion is an inspiration to us all!:)

Cindy said...

Hey girl! I am so sorry that you are still hurting with your tooth. I know it killed you to miss out on so much this weekend and we very much missed having you around. I am praying for your family. You are right...Satan is on the attack right now. We have so many kids and adults in our group that a sick this weekend! When things like this happen, I know that something amazing is about to take place. Why else would Satan try so hard to disrupt things? Sunday will be a new beginning for our group and it is going to be more than we've hoped for! Hang in there and please let me know if I can help you with ANYTHING this week!