Monday, August 9, 2010

It's Monday....SO?!

Just like my title says...so?!?!?! Guess what, sometimes I really don't care that it's Monday...I don't want to have it all together...I don't want to have a plan for the week....I don't want to always do "the right thing" and you know what? That's okay! Or at least I'm saying that's okay for today! Sometimes I just want to say screw it!!! Seriously, I don't want to be the "good girl" the one making the "right choices", doing the "right thing" all the time.

I had a MUCH NEEDED conversation with the ONE PERSON in my life that I TRUST, and VALUE the MOST...my husband. That man is the FIRST MAN IN MY LIFE that I have ever trusted to love ME, just ME, no expectation of what I should be or what he wanted me to be, but just little ol me...Gina...insecure, scarred beyond belief, afraid, wanting to be loved, raw Gina...simple as that. Those conversations are just amazing, beyond words, PRICELESS...seriously.

I am a mess.

Seriously a mess sometimes.

I want to be the best mom I can be.

I want to the best wife I can be.

I want to be a good friend, a good neighbor, a good community member.

I want all the things I looked at in my tween/young adult years at all these facebook friends of mine during that time and their families, wishing I had.

I wake up every day, seriously, focusing on the positive...thankful for EVERYTHING I've been blessed with. I use those emotions, those thoughts and feelings to propel me forward. I use EVERY bit of energy not to bitch and moan about the spilled milk all over the floor for the 4th time today, or the spilled juice that I DO NOT ALLOW upstairs (mind you this is a RENT HOUSE!!), or the constant fighting among the two older ones, the 3rd poopie diaper of the day that leaked through onto my clothes, the destroyed upstairs that I just cleaned or the dirty floor that I swept 4 times before 6pm!!!! Because, guess what? That's life...suck it up, roll with it and be thankful for the gift of family...it's what you make it, right?

We talked about a TON of stuff tonight....started off with finances (which I've BLOWN this past month)...moved onto friendships, working out , family and on and on...Those of you who *really* know me understand how that goes, LOL! I cried, I confessed, I beat myself up, I really just "unloaded" on him and I feel so free right now. This man is my soul mate, the one I've waited for my ENTIRE LIFE. The only human being that I truly trust and KNOW that will never turn his back on me. He did "what he does" and listened to me, REALLY listened to me and did what he usually does (he's amazingly WISE), he asked me questions that only HE can get away with asking me, helped me see things that most people can't help me see and set my mind and my heart in a direction that I need to be in. I've felt very off track lately. Call it husband traveling, call it adjusting to baby #3, call it "self absorption" with the working out, going 2 years without a period making hormones go CRAZY, or call it simply summer...out of a routine....whatever it is I know things have just seemed "off" for me lately.

I try to get on track...I try to stay on track....I try to be "good"...help others, live my life "outside" of just myself and my four walls....but I don't feel successful at it all the time. This post probably seems all over the place and really is, because that's admittedly where I've been lately, all over the place and I'm giving myself the permission to say, It's okay right now.

I'm just human. I'm a regular girl, with similiar struggles that many women have. I don't try to "act" perfect and have it all together. I try to keep things balanced and sometimes, just can't get it there and that is OK, tomorrow is another day, right?

Here's to Tuesdays...hoping to be better on track tomorrow.... call this the post vacation blues I guess...LMAO! :o)

Screw the menu plan this week, I'm wingin' it!

5 comments:

Sabrina said...

I love you warts and all Gina. And I think even with the flaws that we ALL have you are an amazing woman.

p.s. let them have juice upstairs sometimes it's the path of least resistance we have to take :D

~Kim said...

Gina my friend, you're REAL , you're not a Step-ford wife, and that is one of the many reasons I adore you!! It's a season, it's going to pass!! I admire you for your independence as a woman, and your dedication, and commitment to your Family and your strong Family Values! You are an amazing lady!! Come on, you Rock!!! Love and Friendship to you always!!

A couple of quotes, I hold dear to my heart!


Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
— Marilyn Monroe

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe

Cindy said...

I love the hot mess that lives across the street from me! :-) In all seriousness, I am so glad that you got time to sit down and share your heart with Chris....you needed to. I can tell for a while now that you've been feeling a little lost and even though that is normal and will happen again, I know you don't like that feeling.
You know you are awesome and wonderful so I won't go on and on about that! I just hope you realize how many people value you for the real Gina and real friend you are to so many of us!

Heather Georger said...

You always have a great perspective on life...even when you say you "are a mess". I love the way you are always honest and can really make me see what needs to be seen. I love you to bits whether you are perfect or not.

Gina said...

Thank you ladies!!! You are such beautiful women, inside and out and I adore the hell out you! xo